My grandmother passed away 3yrs. ago today, Feb. 23rd. I've been grieving every day since, but the week of her death has always been the hardest for me.
Monday, Feb. 20th, was my grandmother's birthday. My aunt's, too, but she's still alive. I forget how old she would have been, sorry. For as long as I can remember, she's always been 73. *lol* She was buried on my older sister's birthday, Feb. 27th. Yeah, it was a bummer. But we DID sing Happy Birthday to her when we were all together at my grandparent's house after the funeral. And the next day, when we gathered there again to look at pictures and go through my grandmother's Hope chest, we had cake and ice cream for her.
***My thoughts are all jumbled, so please forgive me. Like I said, this week is hard for me.***
On Tuesday, I heard a song by Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton. I wanted to switch the radio to another station, because I just couldn't handle it. But something - or someone - made me change my mind and leave it on the current station. I'm glad I did. The song is called "When I Get Where I'm Going". It's a beautiful song, but it made me cry. I bought the song off of iTunes last night, and I've been listening to it since whenever I get on my computer. It's helped me to start letting go more, and remember the good things about my grandmother's life. Listening to the words today made me realize that she wouldn't want me to grieve so deeply or for so long. She'd want me to be happy and remember HER, not her death. And if she could be here now, and see what I've been doing, she'd kick my tush to kingdom come and back! *lol*
Thanks to some friends I met on eBay, I'm also starting to appreciate again the time I had with her and the legacy she left behind. And thanks to my husband and one of my sisters, I'm starting to let go and stop dwelling on her death. My sister said that the longer I dwell on it, the more it's going to hurt and then I'll never get over it. My husband said that I need to stop thinking about her death, and think about the person that she was while she was here. To remember the good times, so that I'll have something to pass on to our daughter (and any future children we may have in the future). I have to remember the good times, the legacy she left behind, so that I can tell my daughter about her great grandmother - the person she was named for.
So, I'm slowly but surely letting go more. I know it's always going to hurt, and that there will always be an empty place in my heart. I know she's always here, watching over us all. I know that she loves my daughter as much as she loved us all, and that she's here guiding my daughter - all of us, really - whenever she can.
If you haven't heard the song by Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton, "When I Get Where I'm Going", you should. It's a wonderful and beautiful song, and I thank the songwriter and the singers from the bottom of my heart. No other song has been able to help me deal with my grief the way that this one has. I now have a slightly more positive outlook on this whole week, and I'm feeling better emotionally.
*hugs*
-me
2 comments:
I am proud of the way you are handling this week. It kinda started out rough, but you have turned it around. I think your Grandmother would be proud too.
Memo would be happy. I always think of her when she chased Hector Ybarra around the yard with a broom on our 16th birthday. Or how she always pushed her hair to the side, out of her eyes. Or how she'd start to cough when she laughed too much. Or yelling at us to "come caca!" when we were being picky! =) I still miss her; all the time. I still grieve, but not as much as in the beginning. She's too much in her "element" to let us get away with crying too much for her. Remember, she lived a long life. And a happy one once Nana came in the picture.
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