Yesterday was a REALLY bad day for me.
R couldn't find her Girl Scout Brownie sash (turned out it was in her closet UNDER her hanging shelves). She was in a mood. I had to get some stuff for her 1st Communion banner, but they didn't have 1 of the colors I needed. Oh, well. I got the next best thing. Had an OB appointment that didn't go well for me (will explain below). Then I had a Girl Scout meeting, in which R and a friend got into a little tiff about a science project. R was being extremely difficult and wouldn't make up with her friend. And she wouldn't behave, either. Then another GS (a Cadette) said something to me in response to me asking her and another Cadette not to sit at the desk they were at because there was a science project on it. By then, I'd hat it. I tried to let it go, but I couldn't. I walked out to calm down, and ended up crying. It, and everything else, just added up and was bothering me, and I couldn't let it go. So I went back to the classroom, told the girl I was trying to be NICE, grabbed my stuff, told R I was going home (and everyone could see by then that I'd been crying), and walked out.
There were a couple of teachers and the VP there who saw me crying and heard me walk out (more like storm out), and they tried to help me out. But there was nothing they could do. I'd just had it. I've NEVER walked out on a meeting before. I felt guilty about not telling the other 2 leaders about what happened, but not that guilty. I think my pressing need to leave overruled. I had a hard time walking to my car, though. I couldn't breathe. I sat in my hot car until I could get myself under control, then drove home. I really hated leaving R that way, and I knew she was probably freaking out (she did). But I couldn't do it. Andy got home a little after I did. He held me and we talked. It helped SO MUCH.
So what happened at the OB's office? Well, he told me more than the peri did on Monday. *sigh*
Since my blood pressure's been high the last few weeks I've gone to the peri, Dr. R. was concerned. He ordered a few tests for Monday. Right now, he just wants to monitor my blood pressure until the test results come back. I could have 1 of 2 things: pre-eclampsia (which I had with R, and it's the reason why she's a 36 weeker), or gestational high blood pressure. I had been thinking that it was high last week because I had caffeine before my appointment ( a big no-no as caffeine elevates your blood pressure). Turns out I was wrong, 'cause I didn't have any caffeine on Monday and it was still high. ANYWAY...If I have pre-eclampsia (which, at 22 weeks, is bad), I'll be on bedrest for the rest of my pregnancy. If it's gestational, then I'll be treated with medication until K is born.
The outcome: Either way, I won't make it to the last month...AGAIN. So no nesting stage for me. If pre-eclampsia, I'll probably be induced at 34 weeks. If gestational, I won't be allowed to go past 37 weeks.
And THAT is what really got to me. The real reason why I just had to walk out of Girl Scouts. The main reason behind my horrible day.
Last night, after A took care of everything but R's shower (bless him!), I decided I needed to do some thinking. By the time I fell asleep, I'd come to the conclusion that there's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I can do about my situation. For now, anyway. I just have to wait until all the test results come in. Until then, I just have to grab on to my frayed and stretched out nerves and move on.
I'm doing better today. I just have to remind myself, every once in a while, to move on. It's hard, but I manage.
However, it doesn't help my day any that R's been clingy all day. (They had Earth Day events at school all day, starting with the school Mass.) *sigh* At least we're going bowling tonight, so I can work out some of my frustrations then. Yay!!! Maybe she'll be better by the time I pick her up from school. I have to leave in a few minutes to get her, so we'll see...
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